Following on from the idea of setting up an eatery on some foreign shore with Chef, I have been looking at recipes. A common dish in olden times was called a Turducken. This consisted of a de-boned turkey, with a de-boned duck inside of that and a de-boned chicken placed inside of the duck. In between each bird a layer of sausage meat and spiced bread stuffing was placed and then the whole thing was sewn up and left to cook for a minimum of 8 hours and then left to cool for an hour or so before being carved.
Never one to be outdone, my favourite chef, Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall made a similar creation using ten birds, which consisted of a turkey then a goose, large chicken, farmed duck, guinea fowl, mallard, pheasant, partridge, pigeon, and finally a woodcock. The programme was shown on channel four a couple of years ago in 2005. I have never attempted to make either of these two creations as they seem a bit fiddly to me.
However after a few drinks the other evening in the company of LMS and Chef, I decided what we needed to do was something big. I mean SPECTACULARLY BIG. So I have dreamed up what I think will be the ultimate challenge to any cook or pitmaster. I want to take one de-boned Asian water buffalo weighing in at around 1.5 tons and place inside it an American Bison weighing in at around 1.25 tons and then a domestic cow followed by a wildebeest and then a wild boar. My estimates come to around 5 tones of meat or the world’s biggest roasting joint. Naturally finding an oven to cook this in will be almost impossible so it will have to be spit roasted and should take around 6 days. If the sight of that monster being spit roast in front of any restaurant did not draw the crowds in I genuinely do not know what would.
On the subject of big, I stepped on the bathroom scales this morning and almost had a heart attack. I thought the scales had broken but sadly they work just fine. I am now the heaviest I have ever been in my life and an exercise and training programme is now a necessity. Losing weight, getting back to peak fitness and restoring my health are now the order of the day and my number one priority. In fact I am going to have a really good think about it as soon as I have finished this bacon and sausage butty. (Sandwich to my foreign chums) I will let you all know how I get on with regular updates but for now I am thinking BIG