It happens to all parents. One day their little darlings are their pride and joy and the next with no warning at all they turn into teenagers. All angst and hormones and kicking against a system that works perfectly well for you. What’s this I hear you ask, Higherdew’s most diehard bachelor with no heirs talking about kids? Well to be honest I did have step kids once but that is a very long story and a chapter in my life I would rather forget. However I do have a baby.
Yes Genghis is starting to stay out all night and not come home in the mornings. He is becoming fussy about what he eats and is now turning his nose up at Whiskas foil packs and even fresh clotted cream. He turns up at all hours of the day and wants to sleep and then he is off out again. To be fair he is not asking for new trainers every week nor is he asking for a Play Station 3 and Grand Theft Auto 4, but his behaviour is causing me a lot of concern. I mean he could end up in the hands of some Cruella De Vile type of person whose sole ambition is turn him into a pair of mittens because of his distinct markings. He could be catnapped as opposed to kidnapped by mindless thugs who want to toss him into a pen full of rabid pit bulls for sport or he could be another casualty in the hit and run accidents that occur all too frequently.
There is another explanation… It is entirely possible that he has discovered the opposite sex. May be he is out sowing his wild oats at an alarming rate. (This would explain him being tired all the time) We have not even discussed this type of thing and it is only because of his embarrassing squeak as opposed to the sub base roar that I am waiting for him to develop, that I have not taken him to the vets for THE OP. I was waiting for his voice to break before I took him to have his balls chopped. I mean how embarrassing would it be for him to sit at the end of the garden talking to all the other cats in the neighbourhood and say in a rather squeaky almost effeminate voice, yes I am a virgin and my balls have been chopped and I am called Genghis after a mighty warrior.
I have tried my best to be a good parent and fed him on raw steak and fresh cream with the odd kipper thrown in for special occasions. I have ignored his destructive ways and forgiven him for ripping my net curtains to shreds. I have applauded his attempts to gain my trust, confidence and admiration by bringing live mice into the house and letting them go. I have attempted to broaden his horizens by giving him toys and treats to develop his hunting skills and improve his social skills. Sadly he has turned into Kevin from kevin and Perry and become a James Dean figure. A rebel without a clue that is ruled by his dick. Like many other parents I am asking where did I go wrong?
Sadly it is almost that time when I have to make an appointment for the vets to have him DONE. I had hoped this time would never arrive but it has and I know I am going to feel a sense of betrayal to my gender by taking him. After all if some one was taking me for the same reasons I would not be best pleased. As he is a rather handsome cat I guess there will be one or two feline hearts broken by my decision, but we can’t have lots of little ginger strays running around can we? If only those damn females would take precautions. I mean really, Kids who would have them?