Author: Smokehouse

It is with some relief that I can misquote Mark Twain and say, “rumours of my demise have been greatly exaggerated”. It is true I was struck down by the dreaded lurgy (manflu) and confined to bed for a week shortly after my last post. However, since my recovery a week later I have been busy busy busy. A long weekend to the Isle of Wight accompanied by Bean Counter aided my recuperation. The IOW is another part of the British Isles that I can now cross of my list of places to visit. It is for me at least, a spectacular place to go. It is quiet, peaceful and the shoreline and scenery are fantastic. The weekend passed away all to soon.

Upon my return I decided to do something that has needed doing for many years. I ripped down my old back fence and gate replaced it with double gates and some new fencing. Sadly the fencing that divides my property from the home of Roger Moor is a joint fence and as soon as I removed the old rotting supports his fence and back gate literally fell over. With the help of The Beast and RM new concrete support posts and fencing were soon in place and after several coats of exterior wood paint both houses now look as though they have had a major make over. The best news is that I can take Rhonda out quite easily as when both gates are open the gap is now 5 feet and not 34 inches and Rhonda is 37 inches wide. I expect the Tiler will be quite pleased with the result when he sees the photos.

The economy has come crashing down and the news is almost exclusively full of reports that yet another bank somewhere around the world has gone into liquidation. This has left many savers worrying if they will have access to the money in these accounts. In the case of the Icelandic banks it is really serious. The assets of the country are worth less than the value of the money they owe. It is the first time that I have ever heard of a country going bankrupt. This news is not confined to any one country, continent or hemisphere and more than a few texts were exchanged in the early hours of this week between The Printer and me. Australia it seems is also in dire straits demonstrating how truly global this economic crisis is.

At least on person has managed to escape from it all and the Traveller departed for Indonesia, (it may actually be Malaysia but it has an sia at the end of it) yesterday to seek out dusky maidens and a better way of life. I hope it all comes off for him and I expect to see him briefly sometime in January before he departs for good and sets up home in the southern hemisphere. With so many people departing for sunnier or brighter economic climes it is a wonder that there is anyone left in the UK. At least Genghis and me will be here for another two years.

Genghis has taken to terrorising the rabbits in Ogri and Bodiceas’ garden. Each morning he goes to the rabbit hutch and tries to stick his paw through the wire grate. I personally believe he is merely trying to say hello and stroke the rabbits but other people tell me he has a hungry look on his face while he attempts this. Anyway he will be 12 months old in a few weeks and sadly it will be time to take him to the vets for THAT op. The mere thought of it makes my eyes water! At any rate it is nice to be back and posting again.

 

It should have been a normal day, I arrived home from work just like any other, fed the cat and chilled out. At around 6pm Roger Moor knocked and we sat talking and drinking tea until he said do you fancy a cider? I think I said yes before he finished his sentence and so he trotted off and duly arrived back with 2 cans of Blackthorn dry cider. I opened one can and poured it into two glasses and then I said do you fancy a Bulmers? So we opened that one and poured it into two glasses. The difference between the two drinks was amazing. The Bulmer’s was fantastic and by comparison the Dry Blackthorn was disgusting. It was then we decided to do some taste testing.

We set off to the local Tescos and arrived back at Château Ghastanbury with 10 different types of cider and decided to record our comments about each one. So we sat down watching Nigella Lawson give us tips on cooking and drooled while faced with 12 different types of cider.

Here is our written commentary on those we tested.

1)    Bulmer’s original, 4.5%. Smelt wonderful, sweet taste very appley would buy again.

2)    Dry Blackthorn 5.5%. Smelt like gas mains, very sour chemically taste would not buy again.

3)    Frome valley 6% No chemical smell, flat, no alcoholic aftertaste. Refreshing on the palate, appley aftertaste. Very smooth but flat and expensive. Would not buy again

4)    Savanna 5.5% South African cider with a very fizzy head and a good nose. Not unpleasant but no cider taste and very sugary. Would not buy again.

It has to be noted that at this point our descriptions were becoming more flowery and we slipped effortlessly into Jilly Goulden mode.

5)    Aspinalls 7% English apples but from a French family based inSuffolk. Smelt of pears with almost a pear taste (perhaps it was Perry and labelled incorrectly?) Very smooth with a fizz that disappeared rapidly. Barrel matured which you could taste and almost no CO2. We reckoned it was best served at room temperature because it almost tasted like a wine. We would possibly buy this one again.

6)    Tesco’s finest oak conditioned.6.6% Light appley smell, sharp and very dry. Definitely oak conditioned. ( we had to spit the splinters out) This was more of a dining cider and best drank with food

7)    Henry Westons special vintage reserve 8.5% Nose was very appley with over tones of wood, flat but smooth and strong. Distinct appley aftertaste. We would both buy this again.

NB by now we had really got into the swing of things and were starting to take this really seriously with as much verve and endeavour as the scientists at the particle collider in Cern

8) Oakley’s original 4.5% Nose was very appley with a hint of chemicals. Nice colour and a very nice taste that was sweet with no unpleasant aftertaste. Not too gassy and 2^nd so far to the Bulmer’s. We would definitely buy this one again

9) Gaymers 4.5% A very appley nose, which was sweet to taste and not too gassy. Tasted of apples and it was nectar in a glass. Almost as good as Bulmer’s. Would definitely buy again

10) Thatcher’s vintage 7.4% Nose was very appley. Medium dry and very smooth with no horrible aftertaste. Not too gassy and neither sweet nor bitter. We would buy this again.

NB After can no 10 each we were becoming completely shitfaced and having a wonderful time.

11) Thatchers katy 7.4%. Wonderful and we are too pissed to pass any criticism save for my comment of I could live on this stuff and RM’s comment of sex in a glass without having to stimulate a clit for 30 minutes. Would definitely buy this again.

12) Merrydown vintage 7.5% Nose very appley with a chemical taste. RM said it had smelt like Blackthorns but tasted closer to the Bulmer’s. We would both buy this again but only under duress. In fact this one divided the two of us so much we each had another can to confirm our original judgement on it however we still failed to agree.

With our entire stock depleted, I realised I had lost the pen and could not be bothered scrabbling about on the floor to find it again. RM staggered home and I crawled to bed. In hindsight we have come to realise that the strength of cider has no bearing upon its’ taste and while for most people this was just an excuse for a piss up to us it was all in the interest of science.

 

I have often criticised the big city over the water for its’ shortcomings and the bad press it often receives, mainly but not always of its’ own making. However after being given the accolade of European city of culture, it has pulled out all the stops in an effort to show the world it is a modern and vibrant city. None more so than the latest stunt which was for me at least, truly memorable. A giant spider arrived unannounced in the city centre some time last week and hung from the side of one of the buildings by Lime Street Station.

Bean Counter, the Traveller and myself went along to see it on Saturday gone. I have to say it was a masterpiece of engineering and spectacle. Despite having to wait for hours and being crushed by the hordes it was well and truly worth going to see. In fact it was so good we went again on Sunday to bid it farewell. The Traveller dropped us off at the Birkenhead Tunnel entrance on theLiverpoolside on his way home from yet another drunken weekend that has become the hallmark of many of his visits.

We arrived at the spot we had chosen at around 5-30PM and we waited. We were still waiting at 6-30pm and we waited some more until 7-30pm and then we waited again. By this time the crowd were getting restless as spots to view the creature were becoming all too scarce and some of the kids were restless. Shouts of “Mum, when’s it coming, and I want to go the toilet” rang around the little haven BC and myself had chosen. At 8-30 ish the band that preceded the spider appeared in the distance and we knew it would not be long before it took its’ final bow.

When it finally appeared after a long tour through the city streets that must have been every coppers nightmare, a huge cheer went up from amongst the 250,000 plus people that had gathered there. There were fireworks, pyrotechnics, Water displays a snowstorm and plus the orchestra that had assembled to provide the almost eerie music that accompanied its’ tour of the city. BC and myself left at10pm which had meant we had been standing in the same spot for some 5 hours and my legs were aching, but I felt that it had all been worth it.

Words cannot do the creature justice. I can only hope that the photographs in the Gallery will make up for my lack of writing skills. The city could have put on a concert or spectacular laser show but that has all been done before. I have never seen anything like this and it made the whole event of European Capital of Culture stand out from anything I have ever seen before. It is not often I praise the big city but I applaud this event and I will never forget the spectacle. It has certainly cured my Arachnophobia.

 

Friday 05^th September and the heavens opened. I have never seen as much rain in one day. I arrived home from work to be greeted by the Traveller as he had come to stay for the weekend and he had brought the bad weather with him! Within an hour I received a text from Roger Moor who told me to look outside my back door. TT and me gingerly opened the back door to see a lake where I used to have a garden. There was stuff floating on it as the drains had merely given up under the surge of water and there was nowhere for the stuff to go.

As RM arrived across the small river that was once my driveway; all three of us stared out at the darkening skies and the rising water and unanimously decided we needed inspiration and divine intervention. I donned wellies and waded out to the beer shed for the inspiration and we waited for the divine intervention. The divine intervention was taking its’ time arriving and so after much inspiration RM and me decided to try and brush as much water into the road as we could. I took to ramming sticks into the drains to see if I could reduce any blockages which did no good at all.

After a full case of inspiration, divine intervention duly arrived and not a moment too soon. The water was almost to the top of the outside shed floor when one of the drains gurgled, belched and then decided to start taking water. RM and me shoved water towards the drain as fast as we could while TT opened beers for us at an alarming rate. By the time the water was at a safe level the three of us were pissed, well I was at least and the other two were not far behind.

Beancounter arrived almost as soon as the driveway was cleared and while she did not need water wings to get into the house, events had started to go downhill fast. Two cases of inspiration rapidly disappeared and the spirits came out to keep our spirits up. The radiator was full of wet socks the floor was covered in mud and the chip pan was heating up nicely. It wasn’t exactly the Dunkirk spirit but it showed you can have an eventful evening with wet socks and good friends

 

At long last my hard drive has been replaced and although I have still to replace much of the stuff that has been lost, I can now attempt to catch up on some of the postings I should have made weeks ago. With this in mind here are the photos of Teechs’ leaving do in August. Sorry for the delay.

As usual things have been hectic over the last few weeks. The Driver came to stay with me for a weekend, I had not realised it had been last January since we had met up last. However we tried to make up for lost time and managed to get through enough beer and gossip to make up for it.. We have promised to try and keep in touch more often and it is to be hoped that we will meet up before Xmas.

Teech has gone to Dubai but not before we sprang a “surprise” leaving do for him at Château Ghastanbury.  All the usual suspects were there including Commander Riker, Miss Décolletage, The Revellers, Ted Magnum, Big Bad Brad, and of course Beancounter. As is customary, we wished him well as the evening descended into drunken mayhem and spilled out of the house and into the grounds were a bonfire was duly lit. Many photos have been taken but due to the failure of my home computer I am unable to upload them at this moment.

A few days later and BC and me are having a farewell meal with her youngest, Johan the Destroyer, his girlfriend and his brother in a well-known Liverpool restaurant. A trip to the Tequila bars and Vodka shot bars completed an evening of mirth and merriment and we arrived back at BC’s house in the early hours. JTD left for army duty en route to Cyprus a few days ago.

That brings us to Saturday gone, and Tedstock. A separate post including photos will be made in the Barbie section along with some of the recipes we used for the day. Tedstock marks the end of the summer and barby season as far as I am concerned and the next big event will be Halloween. Until then the nights are getting longer as summer peters out and autumn slowly makes its entrance. Some of the flowers in the garden are well past it and the record-breaking rainfall we have had this year has meant that some of the crops I planted have met with dismal failure. My tomatoes are still green due to a lack of sunlight and the slugs have eaten almost all of the courgettes and cucumbers.

Like Teech and JTD summer is leaving, I hope it’s a case of Au Revoir and not farewell.